If You Keep Telling Yourself You're Fine You Start To Believe It
by ElsaArendelleFrost
Summary: Mei is very good at pretending everything is okay, maybe too good at it, she's had a lot of practice. TW FOR SELF HARM AND POSSIBLY ATTEMPTED SUICIDE, PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU THINK IT WILL TRIGGER YOU x
1. Chapter 1

_**Before we start please excuse my bad use of "san" I'm not entirely sure if it's right so please excuse it alsoI see a lot of people hate on Mei and I wanted to make something to show how I imagine mei is behind the facade also I wrote this in like ten minutes I'm aware it isn't that great? there will be at least one more chapter to this (that's when the TW comes in), okay, continue!**_

* * *

"Aihara san? Please talk to me"

Mei ignores him and carries on writing,

"Mei-"

"don't call me that" Mei interrupts sternly, udagawa flinches slightly at the coldness,

"Okay, just please talk to me, I know you don't want to marry me but I can't do anything about it, you can't ignore me forever"

Mei ignores him again,

"You're getting thinner, are you eating properly?"

 _No_

"Yes"

"Are you sure? I never see you at dinner"

 _I haven't eaten all week_

" I said I'm eating fine" Mei says coldly, he nods and leaves her alone,

Mei's hand travels up to fiddle with the ring hanging from her neck as she looks around the office, she'd moved out of yuzu's house and in with udagawa a few weeks ago, she hated it, she hated the house, she hated being forced to live with him and most  
of all she hated being away from the blonde girl who she loved more than anything.

 _I'm sorry yuzu, I'm so sorry_

"This is all my fault..." Mei whispers trying to hold back her tears.

* * *

"She's ignoring me, when she does reply she's cold and stern"

"I'll speak to her"

"Please go gentle on her, I don't think she's taking it very well"

* * *

 _ **Ding Dong**_

"I'm here to speak with Mei"

"Mei-"

"I told you not to call me that-"

"Mei" a stern voice says, Mei's eyes widen and she gulps slightly,

"Grandfather..." she trails off,

"I need to speak to you" he says coldly walking into the kitchen, she follows reluctantly and he closes the door behind her,

"What do you think you're doing?" Her grandfather hisses quietly, she looks down,

"I told you, you will be respectful, you will be nice and you will marry him" he says louder,

"I know-"

"So what are you doing? After your embarrassment of a father left to travel the world, I had high hopes for you and so help me if you disappoint me Mei!" He says getting louder still,

"Tell me, why are you acting like this? Tell me Mei!" He yells, Udagawa hears the shouting but can't make out what's being said,

"Answer me!" He screams, Mei flinches,

"I don't love him" she says quietly,

"Speak up!" He yells, she gulps and looks him in the eyes,

"I don't love him" she says clearer, this only makes him angrier and he stomps towards her as she backs up,

"That doesn't matter! You have a responsibility! Your happiness comes last Mei!" He screams,

"I'm gay" she says shakily, he pauses and pales as he takes in this new information,

Slap!

Mei's hand immediately comes up to cup her now stinging cheek,

"Don't ever say that to me again..." he says in a low voice,

"The wedding will be brought closer, and if there is any funny business, well, there won't be will there?" He growls at her, the shaking girl shakes her head,

"Of course grandfather" the says only just able to hold up her facade,

"Don't disappoint me" he says sternly before leaving, Mei, shaking like a leaf waits a few minutes before leaving the kitchen,

Udagawa gasps slightly when he sees Mei, a slap mark standing out against her pale skin and her shaking body,

"Aihara san?" He asks cautiously,

"Yes?" She asks in a quiet voice,

"Are you okay?" Udagawa asks nervously,

 **Putup the facade**

 **Pretend everything is okay**

 **Pretend you're okay**

 **Just like you've done all your life**

 **If you keep telling yourself you're fine you start to believe it**

"I'm fine"


	2. Chapter 2

_**Thank you so much for the reviews! I wasn't even expecting to get 1, nevermind 4! I really appreciate it!❤️**_

 _ **TW: self harm (not the actual act but it is mentioned) if you are struggling with self harm please talk to someone, you deserve the world, you're amazing and I love you x**_  
/

"Yuzu and her mother are visiting today, they wanted to see the house, they will be arriving in about 20 minutes" udagawa says as he hands Meia hot cup of coffee, Shestiffens at the announcement and doesn't quite grip the cup properly making it spill onto her hand, she hisses in pain.

Udagawa gasps slightly and springs into action dragging her over to the sink, she follows reluctantly,too tired to argue.

"Quick, put it under the cold water" he says reaching to pull her sleeve up, he sees a glance of what looks like some sort of cut before she pulls away pulling her arm to her chest protectively, he pauses stunned for a few seconds,

"Mei?" He asks, she glares at him fiercely,

"I'm fine the burn doesn't hurt anymore" she lies to stressed about him nearly finding out what's hidden under her sleeves to correct him for using her first name, his brows furrow slightly in deep thought,

"Show me your arm" he says gently, she glares at him before turning to walk away, he quickly goes after her and grabs her arm,

"Let go of me" Mei growls out, she tries to yank her arm away, he holds on tighter,

"Mei if that's what I think it is then you need to show me your arm" he says concerned, the dark haired girl tries to pull away again but this time harder, unfortunately her sleeve rides up in her attempt to escape, udagawa gasps at finally seeing that it is indeed what her thought they were, cuts, some fresh some starting to scar, but the most important thing is that they are clearly self inflicted,

"Mei-"

"I've told you before! Don't call me that!" She yells at him and yanks her arm out of his grasp pulling her sleeve back down over her cuts,

"You-" he's interrupted yet again but this time by the doorbell, he turns to look at the door for a second before glancing back at Mei,

"We're talking about this later wether you like it or not mei, you are not going to block everyone out" he says in a stern tone that he only ever uses when something is serious, Mei glares at his back as he walks over to get the door,

"You're early! Come in" udagawa says as he opens the door to the blonde yuzu and her mother,

Yuzu grins eagerly along with her mother as they step into the house,

"Mei!" Yuzu's mother exclaims as she runs over tackling the dark haired girl in a hug, Mei stiffens awkwardly, this doesn't seem to deter mrs. Aihara at all, yuzu flashes Mei a small and slightly awkward smile, but it falls when she notices mei's expression, it was the same expression that Mei wore when yuzu had first started at the school, closed off, reserved and most of all, fake, normally people wouldn't notice, Mei has become very good at hiding her emotions, however yuzu has also becomevery good at reading Mei.

The blonde shuffles over hesitantly and connects their hands behind her back, she feels Mei stiffen but feels a shock wave of happiness go through her when she feels Mei squeeze her hand tight, that is until yuzu glances at her sisters face, Mei is looking directly at yuzu, as if trying to tell her something with her eyes, the dark haired girl gives the blonde a sad sort of expression. Yuzu studies mei'sexpression for a while, before deciding that she's trying to apologise and break it off before yuzu can get hurt, yuzu pulls her hand away, Mei looks at her wondering why the blonde had pulled away, truth be told, she was trying to say

 _ **Help me...**_

 **Ayeeeeee chapter two finished! I had to rewrite this 3 times because it got deleted, I think this is slightly shorter than the first but I thought this was a good place to finish it, again if you're struggling with self harm please talk to someone, please x**


End file.
